Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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