What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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