New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
