he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
