dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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