$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
