Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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