My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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