He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
