I seem to have left my pride at pride
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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