I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
