my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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