Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
