Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
