Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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