if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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