Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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