Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
