Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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