I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
