I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
