Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
