Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
