She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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