Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
