a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
