16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
