I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
