And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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