maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
