I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
