If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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