I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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