Betty ford says i'm here all night
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
