While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
