i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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