Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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