My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
