So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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