Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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