it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
