Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
