woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
