She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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