I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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