You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
