he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
