Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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