hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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