I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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