dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
