Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
