I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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