some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
