my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
