you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Welp...herpes.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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