i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
