I can text with my tongue
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
