are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I could make wine with my vomit
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
