Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize