She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
