i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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