It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
