i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
