Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
