dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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