She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
