I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
