this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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