:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
