so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
