dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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