im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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