Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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