how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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