I'm passing your future prison.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
