Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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