garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
