When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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