also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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